| u know what i realized ?? all along i been makin fun
of ewing&NJ
& stuff & bein bitchy & tryin 2 be heard
& felt
depressed & stuff & i finally realized part of the
reason while
listening 2 some
music...
i feel like i dont belong. anywhere.
i could simply leave it @ that but then id get a million
c0mments saying * why * & id
rather just say it once. ok well sum of u may know why i feel like i
dont belong 2 mi
family...
& if u dont then o well i dont feel like tellin the whole online
world...
ok
well as far as friends go almost everyone here has known each other
since kindergarten or something aound there but im from NY so thats not
even possible 4 me it used 2 be but well u know how that ended up 
& evry1 here is all related & known each other & been bffs
4 longer than ive even been here which is since 4th grade.it kinda feels like i will always be the new girl no matter what. i especially feel this way around alora cuz she never lets me forget that ive only been here since like the middle of 4th grade...i
mean i know this all sounds dumb&shit but i think it may be why im
always sayin stuff & feelin lik i cant trust anyone & stuff... yes i kno it doesnt matter how long u known sum1 {{quality over quantity }} but its easy 4 ppl who have been bffs 4 life 2 say that...
& now i feel that even more now that i kno that i dont trust anyone
and no one reely trusts me and sum ppl are only talking 2 me because im
friends with their friends...
ahh maybe im just over reacting...how much do u wanna bet sum 1 out there is saying something about me behind mi back right now because of this entry
i guess im makin a private journal now cuz i reely dont want no 1 2 be bored//mad @ me...so this will be the last *spill mi heart*out
entry in this journal ill be writing in mi other one so say goodbye 2
these stupid emotions cuz im tired of regretting what i wrote
|
| |
| im not gonna go all out like i did saturday...but uh 2day ws almost
better till the bus...{ryan coryell}...so ya...well ttyl sorry guys no
3 day novel today...
i didnt go 2 the movies after all but im goin anyway so it doesnt matter reely...
btw what r some good movies out on video ? i wanna get like 20 so any
of u movie buffs cough*chris*cough can u give me a list of like 10 or
15-20 MUST SEE movies ??
COMMENT BELOW !! ============> 
|
| |
i just wrote half this damn entry& it goes& deletes on me TWICE
& also i just got done crying a fucking river cuz everything is
fucking falling apart and no one gives a shit& no one cares and no
one is ever there for me 24/7 or anywhere close 2 there so i dont trust
a damn person not even myself how the hell did i get this way...theres
one person that comes reely close {*****}
<< that could be so many ppl so thats a good thing 
but no one reely gets me anymore...everytime i fully trust someone it ends up hurting me so why do i even bother ? 
bit by bit so it doesnt kill my entry like it did 2 times in a row ok
well i know u guys dont reely care cause u probobly dont even read this
but anyways i just got mi grades in the mail 
&
was so upset i unhooked my fone;deleted AIM; & unplugged the TV in
my room cuz i feel like i dont deserve any of those things anymore
& im so guilty 
&
im not even hungry so u kno that shit is reely gettin pretty shitty
also the fact that im fucking cursing like im on the sopranos reely
pisses me off as well & gives u a little taste of how im fuckin
feeling 
yea
anyway i just realized that 5 or 10 years from now no1 will give a hoot
about ur life @ EHS & how many times u kissed someone or "did"
someone 
or beat uo someone or how popular u were looked or ur clothes; shoes; hair; # of friends 
but they will
care about what kind of a person u are&what kinds of grades u got
& colleges will not be looking at YOU theyll be looking @ a piece
of paper with letters written on it...A-F and thats all thats gonna
matter & thats all that will determine the difference b/w a job@
walmart or mcdonalds&the career uve always wanted but theres
nothing wrong with either one of those that u choose as long as u CHOSE
to be there not HAD to be there and thats where the difference is and
thats why im studying harder& going 2 get better grades 
& going to have that choice...not because anyone told me 2...because i want 2 have a decent lifestyle. 
...sum perks&some let downs but thats how it goes
& that she could see that i didnt want 2 let her get 2 me & i laughed so i was happy 
& i got a quiz back which i got a 100% on so i was madD happy felt like doin a dance...
she didnt call on me the whole class time 
i think im getting the hang of that class& i believe that i can and will get an A average with time
lmao i was crackin up...thanks 4 the laugh kevin <3 
i wasnt reely sure what that was all about but it was reely funny cause
kayla was sayin stuff...ha ha and the "agonizing pee" was sooo funny 
and also to tyrone& chuck they are all so funny...2 bad
tyler&alyssa werent there cuz theres no peer leadership on Fri
& they got their HR's switched 
lol & ate some of his food i think i dunno...i eat it on a lot of days but i think i actually had mi own 
yea i kno im shocked as well ...had some laughs & pushed him in2 the trashcan
almost head first he was so madD & he kept mesin wif me 
cuz
that was messed up & then he pulled it out of his pocket!! man i
was madD//relievedD ya kno...that would be messed up tho so im glad hes
not THAT bad lol 
so i made sam crack up
lol it was kinda funny since she is fat&all...i guess mi new group
is OK after all...i made some pizza sales also in that class { i mean
after lol }
so it was all goodD lmao @ yasmine//lauren//jen
&
then i was laughin a lot of the way home cuz of brad&bobby &
alora for a little while but mostly bobby&brad cuz they were
crackin me up...yea so anyway...then when we got off the bus steve
& i were watchin brad get beat up by chris & it was hilarious
cuz it just was lol then me & steve ran 2 our houses & ditched
chris @ the stop 
x.0.x.0. 
